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Citing Sequester, Obama Threatens to Cancel Easter
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that many opponents are calling “blatant scare-mongering,” President Obama told a press conference earlier today that if the sequester remains in place, he may have to...
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Panicked President Can’t Remember Where He Left His Key
“If anyone sees him, please let me know.” It was reported this morning that President Obama has lost his Air Force One pilot, John Key. He held a special meeting to confirm the report. The President,...
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Obama Sends Out Email Asking, “Anything Else?”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of more than 300 federal agencies and departments received an email from the President late last night with the subject line “Anything Else?” The body of the email, which...
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Tip-Offs About NSA Scandals Came From Obama
AMERICA, FKA LAND OF THE FREE — This week saw two revelations about the National Security Agency surface in succession. First, on Wednesday, The Guardian reported that the NSA has been collecting...
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As Healthcare Reform Nears, Millions of Americans Ask, “Health Insurance?”
President Obama’s signature healthcare reform, popularly known as Obamacare, will begin in less than six months. However, nearly 50 million uninsured Americans don’t understand the legislation – or,...
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Jay Carney Considers New Jobs at Kellogg’s, Priceline
Jay Carney counts down the hours until he’s free from the White House WASHINGTON, D.C. — Earlier today, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney confirmed rumors that he would soon leave the Obama...
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Al-Qaeda Comeback Tour a “Phenomenal Success”
The new head honcho talks about the group’s recent success. For a group whose biggest hit is 12 years behind them, al-Qaeda is having one of its strongest years yet. “I know the world didn’t expect us...
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McCain Introduces Bill Requiring Congressional Approval for Diplomacy
Senators Graham and McCain point out countries they’d like to invade next on a giant map of the world. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing frustration with the growing possibility of a peaceful solution to the...
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